The day I dropped my phone in the toilet.

I never use the bathroom at work. And by never I mean maybe like 1 to 2 times a week. At most.

I also don't drink alcohol at work. Well, sometimes I'd like to, but I need this job so I wouldn't actually take that past the daydreaming level. 

Anyway, due to these 2 factors I found it absolutely astonishing that I actuallyy dropped my cellphone into the toilet while I was at work. 

I mean, I've never dropped my phone in the toilet, and I've been plenty drunk plenty enough times to have had ample opportunity to do so.  So imagine my surprise when dead sober I hear that telltale *plunk* of something important and expensive getting a rather uncalled for bath. 

Thankfully all of this occurred during the shimmy your booty out of your pants process and not the shimmy them back on process, but it still took me a couple of seconds to actually process the fact that I was going to have to stick my hand into the faculty bathroom to retrieve said phone from its new location.

Ok. Yes. I put my bare hand into a toilet that countless asses have sat upon.  Then I frantically started drying it off with toilet paper and paper towels.  Then I realized that I had to get the snap on case off to get the battery out.

The snap on case that I can't get off without.using.my.teeth.  I tried so hard to pry that damn thing off with my nonexistant fingernails.  Everything in the room became a potential tool.  Nothing was working and I knew that I had to get the battery out of the phone.

So I used my teeth.

Please don't judge me. I brushed them really really good when I got home. It was a $200 phone. 

So I took it all apart and dried it the best I could. And I looked online to see what the hell I'm supposed to do with a dripping wet phone.  Then I took it home and put it in a baggie full of brown rice for 24 hours.  It didn't say to use brown rice on the internet but that's what I had so I figured it would have to work.

When I put it all back together and turned it on I was so happy that the screen lit up and it vibrated. Then it went blank, but the power light was still on.  I kept trying to get it to do anything at all. Nothing. 

I did not put toilet water in my mouth for NOTHING! So I threw the stpid f-ing thing in the dryer with my clothes for a half hour.  Take that.  And guess what?!

It works now. So I guess the moral of the story is if you drop your phone in the toilet and the rice thing doesn't work and you didn't want to do the whole toilet water in your mouth thing for absolutely so reason, put your phone in the clothes dryer.  Because that's what last resorts are for.